"As the deer panteth for the water

So my soul longeth after thee

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship thee

You alone are my strength, my shield

To you alone may my spirit yield

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship thee"

Slightly more than a month ago, I had a crisis in my life and started to "lose control" over my thoughts. At that time, it doesn't seem that bad. And I thought, this would pass soon. Over time, things started getting worse and every problem just seems to be compressing onto each other.  Eventually, my negative thoughts overwhelmed every single positive thought I could come out with. As I had no idea who I could confide to, and neither do I trust anyone enough to tell them, I ended up rehearsing those thoughts in my mind all day long. Eventually, I started socialising less and less and chose to keep to myself instead. There are days where I found myself wondering why I should keep trying to smile. I was extremely tired. One night, I found myself in a similar situation of my past. A stupid decision then, but I reckon its a habit I would fall back into if I don't correct myself. And I guess that's where all my thoughts took a further fall into the black pit. I would never imagine myself to be back where I used to be, only worse. This went on.. and on and on. Until one day, I met up with a friend. Throughout dinner, she was her usual self, bubbly and cheerful. As a work problem came up and she had to attend to it, I took the chance to reflect through the past hour that I've spent with her. And at that moment, joy doesn't seem to be that far away after all. I was genuinely laughing. Since then, I began to notice the many actions that people were doing which helped me to learn to be grateful again. When we get depressed, we become fearful as well. We keep nursing over our circumstances and how we are hurt, and yet fail to realise and grasp onto the brighter things that were around us. Don't, don't lose yourself in fear. The scariest thing isn't to fail, but rather to give up and end it all. To that very friend, thank you for reaching out to me. You, unconsciously, light up my life once more. Thank you for being there. And I believe that the timely meet up was God-sent. Sometimes, a change in perspective doesn't mean that things are less difficult. It simply means that you understand that there are better things ahead, waiting for you, once you pass through this storm. And sometimes, we don't realise how much lives we can touch and change, through a simple smile, an encouragement or simply, a catch up session. You never know whose life you could transform. :)

Thank You Lord, for choosing me five years ago, and by Your grace, bringing me back once more.